So there I was!
Toast of the town in high school…avoided extracurricular activities in college except for dance and cheerdancing. But, more importantly, training to become a medical missionary when school (meaning university) is over.
Since 5th grade, I have set my sights on learning what’s needed to be God’s healing hands to the world. I volunteered to teach younger kids so that I would be equipped when it was time to go to the field. As I matured, my involvements in church also grew…every step a step in the direction I have set my sights on. School was a season I had to go through but my end game was not about having a career in medical science. I was only studying to equip myself for medical mission work. I was so focused on that.
When my relationship with my Dad crumbled after a “trust” incident involving me and my half-sister, I stopped caring about what he thought. And that’s how the arrows of the enemy managed to penetrate. I gave him an opening and he took it!
When I stopped caring about what he thought, I began to entertain rebellious thoughts. I forgot to guard my heart. I couldn’t put my education on the line because I was nearly at the end. Being the first from my high school to have dared to try for and successfully gotten into the country’s premiere state university, I can’t ruin that. I was also not keen on purposefully wasting money; it just wasn’t me. I was almost done with college and my younger siblings are seven and eight years younger so I could have acted like a brat and asked for things I don’t need or just wasted money in any possible way. After all, my Dad gambled. Me wasting 75k for shopping would just be the equivalent of him betting on one of his game fowls or that of his friends. I literally thought of the best way to hurt him and only one thing came to mind – losing my virginity outside of wedlock. At the time, it was still a very big deal in my hometown if it’s someone like me. Looking back, I was so so stupid to have entertained that thought. But hear this – I didn’t suddenly become someone who sought out men or started drinking in bars; I simply decided that I will go with the flow and not resist advances from the person I was steadily dating. I decided to let my guard down!
Twenty-one years…I have kept myself pure and had no reason to think I might give in to physical advances. I wasn’t yearning for touch or whatever. I wasn’t madly in love with someone. I was so set on finishing school so I can get into the process of actually leaving for mission work, which I considered my calling. Everything else was just icing on the cake of my beautiful life.
But in that one moment, I made the mistake of letting my guard down, made the decision to not care about what an authority in my life thought, and the enemy happily shot a seed into my heart…a seed that grew as the days and months went by…a tree that began to bear fruit, the bad kind.
