Tag: pregnant

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Journey to Motherhood

So the tree bore fruit and I went from being “never been kissed” to pregnant in a span of a year.

Of course there were other factors that egged me on further (otherwise, I should have awoken somehow within that period) but we won’t talk about that. I don’t intend to justify my actions by the incidents to which I responded incorrectly to. Suffice it to say that I acted out for a long period of time…as if I had not known the goodness of God or the fear of the Lord. And I am sorry for that.

Fast forward to February of 1999, I knew I was pregnant; and there was no doubt in my mind that I was going to keep her. I told the father of my child and he had mixed emotions – happy to have a child with me but fearful of the reaction of his sister who was paying for his college education; but nonetheless also ready to take on the reality of having our first child. So, yes, I was not left hanging in fear or whatever. I was only saddened by the realization (which, of course, came much too late) that my mother would be more devastated than my Dad, whom I purposely wanted to hurt.

Highlights of this story: abortion was never entertained, there was no fear of what the future holds, and I was determined to take on the consequences and take full responsibility of what came with my actions.

Arriving at this point in my “Beauty from the Ruins” story in time for Mother’s Day was coincidental, but the significance is not lost on me.

So I’m shifting the landing a little differently.

Not all of us became mothers by choice. Not all of us was sure of how we were going to proceed. Not everyone had a good support system to lean on when less-than-ideal situations came around. But all good mothers make the decision to rise up to it, whether immediately, a little later, or much, much later.

May we all find it in our hearts to play a little part in the village that supports that mother and her children in any way that we can. Yes, I know some can be abusive; and that’s where discernment comes in. I’m not asking you to be tolerant…I’m just asking you to be an enabler for those who want to rise up to the occasion.

In the same thread, I would like to honor the men who don’t cringe at the responsibility but own up to their part in making the expecting part of the motherhood journey such a wonderful experience to have.

And let us not forget the hand of the Lord in all of this. Even when our will has led us to paths not as beautifully paved as the one we could have taken, He always finds a way to redeem the situation…making our history His story!

Children are a gift from the Lord; they are a reward from him. (Psalm 127:3)

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Wrong Reaction

So there I was!

Toast of the town in high school…avoided extracurricular activities in college except for dance and cheerdancing. But, more importantly, training to become a medical missionary when school (meaning university) is over.

Since 5th grade, I have set my sights on learning what’s needed to be God’s healing hands to the world. I volunteered to teach younger kids so that I would be equipped when it was time to go to the field. As I matured, my involvements in church also grew…every step a step in the direction I have set my sights on. School was a season I had to go through but my end game was not about having a career in medical science. I was only studying to equip myself for medical mission work. I was so focused on that.

When my relationship with my Dad crumbled after a “trust” incident involving me and my half-sister, I stopped caring about what he thought. And that’s how the arrows of the enemy managed to penetrate. I gave him an opening and he took it!

When I stopped caring about what he thought, I began to entertain rebellious thoughts. I forgot to guard my heart. I couldn’t put my education on the line because I was nearly at the end. Being the first from my high school to have dared to try for and successfully gotten into the country’s premiere state university, I can’t ruin that. I was also not keen on purposefully wasting money; it just wasn’t me. I was almost done with college and my younger siblings are seven and eight years younger so I could have acted like a brat and asked for things I don’t need or just wasted money in any possible way. After all, my Dad gambled. Me wasting 75k for shopping would just be the equivalent of him betting on one of his game fowls or that of his friends. I literally thought of the best way to hurt him and only one thing came to mind – losing my virginity outside of wedlock. At the time, it was still a very big deal in my hometown if it’s someone like me. Looking back, I was so so stupid to have entertained that thought. But hear this – I didn’t suddenly become someone who sought out men or started drinking in bars; I simply decided that I will go with the flow and not resist advances from the person I was steadily dating. I decided to let my guard down!

Twenty-one years…I have kept myself pure and had no reason to think I might give in to physical advances. I wasn’t yearning for touch or whatever. I wasn’t madly in love with someone. I was so set on finishing school so I can get into the process of actually leaving for mission work, which I considered my calling. Everything else was just icing on the cake of my beautiful life.

But in that one moment, I made the mistake of letting my guard down, made the decision to not care about what an authority in my life thought, and the enemy happily shot a seed into my heart…a seed that grew as the days and months went by…a tree that began to bear fruit, the bad kind.