Month: May 2025

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Cry for Justice

Because this blog is not about revisiting the past, but setting up the background story for “the ruins”, our trip down memory lane stops with “Life Happens.”

Suffice it to say that the detour turned out to not just be bumpy, but full of traps and dangers I was not accustomed to. It was like walking into a dense rainforest in the Amazon for a lady who was raised in the suburbs.

Back in 2000, I was exposed to the horrors or being with a man who can’t handle his emotions well. He showed me a side of him that I didn’t like when he couldn’t get me to agree to acting like his wife. If you recall, I was prepared to be a mother; but being someone’s wife is a whole different ballgame…and I was not ready to surrender my will to anyone at 22. I have been consistent in my stand on that – to my parents, to my then-boyfriend, and to anyone who asked. I was not being difficult; I was being real. I knew in my heart, without a doubt, that I am not ready to meld my dreams and future plans with someone else’s. I was vocal about it from the get-go. He asked me thrice and I declined thrice. He wasn’t done with college yet so I encouraged him to finish school, get a job, and go on with his life plans. I was more than happy to help in any way I can. In fact, I made his “baby thesis” in its entirety…using my own resources to come up with the final product. I also told him that, if by the time our daughter needs to go to school already and he still wants no one else but me, I will agree to marry him then. I wanted him to want to marry me for the right reasons – not because he popped my cherry. Co-parenting is not the same as being husband and wife; and I wanted to make sure that my daughter will be raised in the right environment. But he responded differently. The chain of events that followed lead us to today…the final hearing.

RA 9262 was signed into law last March 8, 2004 and took effect on March 27, 2004. The physical components of what we endured happened before the law was signed, which is why it was not part of my formal complaint. We were no longer an item by March 13, 2002…thanks to a text message meant for someone else that got sent to me. I call that “God in the details.”

In a few hours from now, we will hopefully be putting a period on this legal battle. I pray that, in all of this, His name will be glorified as the truth finds its way into the light.

1 Peter 5:10: And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast.

Photo from StockPlanets

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Life Happens

With a major detour from my perfectly-paved path to my perceived future, many thought I would fold and give in to a mediocre existence.

In 1999, being a single mom wasn’t new but it was certainly frowned upon. Respectable ladies of society were not supposed to be making such mistakes. I’m just glad I knew better than be stuck up. My years spent in “PT proper” – the last 2 years of the curriculum – has exposed me to Ate’s and Kuya’s (older ladies and men from my college) who had no qualms sharing about their adventures. I wouldn’t say that triggered my curiosity but it sure made me understand the difference between those intent on keeping their regular escapades under wraps and those who are just careless. When I allowed my then-boyfriend to have his way with me, I was neither…I was simply going with the flow…what happens, happens…and it did.

For most, that would be the end of the line; but I was ready for it. Also, that was where I started to understand that He was not going to let go of me – as He would for every single one of us.

When I started entertaining my rebellious thoughts, I was still part of the music team…so I asked to be given leave. I can’t say for sure if that was a mistake. I just know I did it because my heart was not “clean” anymore. I didn’t have the heart to usher people into worship while entertaining rebellious thoughts against my physical father. But one thing is clear to me now – I shouldn’t have separated myself from the ladies in the church.

I can clearly remember being asked several times by my cell group leader, “Hi Eunice. How’s your heart?” It was a random greeting that I refused to recognize for what it was – accountability. I just said, “I’m ok.”

I slowly drifted away because I didn’t want my Dad to know about my pregnancy while I was still vulnerable. He goes home to the Philippines every 3 months so I can’t be around where he expects to find me. I will tell him on my own terms, i.e. after I have given birth and recovered my strength. Because, hey, my heart was still very much in active rebellion mode.

So you see how rebellion slowly but surely ruined my supposed spiritual strength as a girl who grew up in Sunday School and was actively serving in the ministry until then. I was blind to the utter stupidity of my thinking. For someone who’s supposed to know better, I walked right into Satan’s trap of glorifying “I”. I plunged right into the middle and completed SIN when I gave myself to it.

Some would say, “life happened”. I know it was ME letting ME lead ME.

Several years wiser now, I wish I understood Lordship then; but I didn’t. I wish I took accountability to heart then; but I didn’t. Moral of the story – no one is meant to be a lone ranger in the Christian walk.

I now have two women in my life I share my present with – the joys and the heartaches, the victories and defeat. We also make sure we remind each other that we are not each other’s strengths…it is always God. I’m not saying it’s perfect but it helps to have someone who would pull you out of a trance, if I may say so.

Hebrews 10 (New Living Translation)
24 Let us think of ways to motivate one another to acts of love and good works.
25 And let us not neglect our meeting together, as some people do, but encourage one another, especially now that the day of his return is drawing near.

DO YOU HAVE SOMEONE IN YOUR LIFE YOU ARE ACCOUNTABLE TO?

If there’s none, actively seek one. If you’re reluctant, feel free to send me a message. I would be happy to be your virtual accountability partner in the meantime…at least until you can identify someone you’d be comfortable walking the Christian life’s challenging roads with.

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Journey to Motherhood

So the tree bore fruit and I went from being “never been kissed” to pregnant in a span of a year.

Of course there were other factors that egged me on further (otherwise, I should have awoken somehow within that period) but we won’t talk about that. I don’t intend to justify my actions by the incidents to which I responded incorrectly to. Suffice it to say that I acted out for a long period of time…as if I had not known the goodness of God or the fear of the Lord. And I am sorry for that.

Fast forward to February of 1999, I knew I was pregnant; and there was no doubt in my mind that I was going to keep her. I told the father of my child and he had mixed emotions – happy to have a child with me but fearful of the reaction of his sister who was paying for his college education; but nonetheless also ready to take on the reality of having our first child. So, yes, I was not left hanging in fear or whatever. I was only saddened by the realization (which, of course, came much too late) that my mother would be more devastated than my Dad, whom I purposely wanted to hurt.

Highlights of this story: abortion was never entertained, there was no fear of what the future holds, and I was determined to take on the consequences and take full responsibility of what came with my actions.

Arriving at this point in my “Beauty from the Ruins” story in time for Mother’s Day was coincidental, but the significance is not lost on me.

So I’m shifting the landing a little differently.

Not all of us became mothers by choice. Not all of us was sure of how we were going to proceed. Not everyone had a good support system to lean on when less-than-ideal situations came around. But all good mothers make the decision to rise up to it, whether immediately, a little later, or much, much later.

May we all find it in our hearts to play a little part in the village that supports that mother and her children in any way that we can. Yes, I know some can be abusive; and that’s where discernment comes in. I’m not asking you to be tolerant…I’m just asking you to be an enabler for those who want to rise up to the occasion.

In the same thread, I would like to honor the men who don’t cringe at the responsibility but own up to their part in making the expecting part of the motherhood journey such a wonderful experience to have.

And let us not forget the hand of the Lord in all of this. Even when our will has led us to paths not as beautifully paved as the one we could have taken, He always finds a way to redeem the situation…making our history His story!

Children are a gift from the Lord; they are a reward from him. (Psalm 127:3)

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Wrong Reaction

So there I was!

Toast of the town in high school…avoided extracurricular activities in college except for dance and cheerdancing. But, more importantly, training to become a medical missionary when school (meaning university) is over.

Since 5th grade, I have set my sights on learning what’s needed to be God’s healing hands to the world. I volunteered to teach younger kids so that I would be equipped when it was time to go to the field. As I matured, my involvements in church also grew…every step a step in the direction I have set my sights on. School was a season I had to go through but my end game was not about having a career in medical science. I was only studying to equip myself for medical mission work. I was so focused on that.

When my relationship with my Dad crumbled after a “trust” incident involving me and my half-sister, I stopped caring about what he thought. And that’s how the arrows of the enemy managed to penetrate. I gave him an opening and he took it!

When I stopped caring about what he thought, I began to entertain rebellious thoughts. I forgot to guard my heart. I couldn’t put my education on the line because I was nearly at the end. Being the first from my high school to have dared to try for and successfully gotten into the country’s premiere state university, I can’t ruin that. I was also not keen on purposefully wasting money; it just wasn’t me. I was almost done with college and my younger siblings are seven and eight years younger so I could have acted like a brat and asked for things I don’t need or just wasted money in any possible way. After all, my Dad gambled. Me wasting 75k for shopping would just be the equivalent of him betting on one of his game fowls or that of his friends. I literally thought of the best way to hurt him and only one thing came to mind – losing my virginity outside of wedlock. At the time, it was still a very big deal in my hometown if it’s someone like me. Looking back, I was so so stupid to have entertained that thought. But hear this – I didn’t suddenly become someone who sought out men or started drinking in bars; I simply decided that I will go with the flow and not resist advances from the person I was steadily dating. I decided to let my guard down!

Twenty-one years…I have kept myself pure and had no reason to think I might give in to physical advances. I wasn’t yearning for touch or whatever. I wasn’t madly in love with someone. I was so set on finishing school so I can get into the process of actually leaving for mission work, which I considered my calling. Everything else was just icing on the cake of my beautiful life.

But in that one moment, I made the mistake of letting my guard down, made the decision to not care about what an authority in my life thought, and the enemy happily shot a seed into my heart…a seed that grew as the days and months went by…a tree that began to bear fruit, the bad kind.